2012년 11월 12일 월요일

What changes in 21C


Toefl Essay #2
What Things Will Be Changed in 21C

           I still remember the red shouting of 2002. It was quite interesting for me that world can watch the soccer games held in Korea though the countries are far from here. 10years later, 2012, People can communicate through ‘facebook’ and several types of smartphones. Those things actually give us many conveniences but also some inconveniences. They have improved democracy all around the world but also exploited workers all around the world in many different ways. Following paragraphs will help you to understand the contents in this paragraph.


           26th October 2011, there was the election to fill vacancy the major of Seoul. Around that times, radio podcast program called ‘I’m funny trick[나는 꼼수다]’ exposed expensive plastic surgery of the candidate government party who call herself a mother of Seoul. Moreover, member of Ggomsu imitated two candidates on the other side of government to help citizens to choose one. As a result of that podcast, opposition side candidate won the election after 10 years absence. In addition, there was a ‘twitter’ that spread citizens’ idea effectively with function ‘following’ and ‘retweet’. These kinds of Social Network Services (called SNS) worked on the Greek, Egypt and even Wall Street. People had demonstrated on the street through the social network services so that removed dictator or threatened capitalists in New York.

           However, some sociologists say that improvement of network services can exploit workers. Being able of long distance communications help workers get work though the time is after work time or Sunday. Higher offices can give workers work anytime they need. As a result, workers cannot get enough rest during weekend. But, there is no serious consideration about wages working time listed on the Labor Standard Law or infringing worker’s private life. Considering many workers admire leaving office and weekend for their sweet rest, out-office working such as e-mailing is too cruel.
 
           There are other problems about SNS. When companies hire new workers, some of them check applicants’ twitter or facebook to inspect their ideas and attitude of life, politics. In this unstable economic situation, taking a job is more and more important, and therefore, applicants and workers should manage their SNS according to boss’s idea. For instance, recently, some workers made one twitter address called ‘Bamboo Woods’ to share their everyday life however company president found the existence of that address, and began to censer that. Considering twitter and facebook can be alive because of free expression of idea, censorship killed the function of SNS and restrained the outlet of workers’ stress made in everyday office life.

           21C is the century of technology. As we know every technology has two faces like Janus. Modern technology, represented as social networking services, may improve our democracy through free expression of our ideas, on the other hand, may exploit worker no matter office and house, and boss’s censorship is work cruel for them. Therefore, what we need is participating to improve democracy more and respect workers’ leisure time and facebook status.

댓글 3개:

  1. I would like to give you some points for closely analyzing the theme you try to demonstrate, but be aware of the deviation.

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  2. Hi!! I really enjoy your essay, and I find some strongpoints and weakpoints of it
    1. You introduction was good! Introducing the overall flow of advancement of technology in Korea leads to SNS service very naturally.
    2. In the next class how about using the word "Ggomsu" instead of "I'm funny trick"? and describe the word Ggomsu. "I'm funnt trick" seems to be little awkward and does not reflect the meaning and sacastic sense of the word of "Ggomsu" well
    3. In the same paragraph, how about mention exact name of political party. Since you wrote 'government party' and 'other side of government' many times, it is little confused to catch
    4. And when you wrote about sns service effect, why don't you mention more about Egtpt or Greek? They are such a good idea to describe the positive effect of sns, and that paragraph seems to be little short, compare to other paragraph.
    5. Your third paragraph was little short, and messy. However, the idea was good so by adding specific example, and more description will help understanding.

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  3. Hi!! Interesting essay!!
    Some points I want to make~

    First, you did not quite support your reasons and just went on with the examples. Your examples were very good but I had to realize what you were talking about when I was reading the examples. It is okay to lessen your examples because you have quite a lot but be sure to support your reasons.

    Second, in your fourth paragraph, I did not quite get what the problem is. I think it would have been better if you clear out the problem in the beginning of that paragraph instead of going on explaining about it.

    Still, your idea was quite impressive. That, I would like to say nicely about. I enjoyed your essay :)

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