Introduce the Past Korean Village Community
After Korean War, many Korean left their
hometown to go to Seoul. As they left, lots of village community that had
longed from our ancestor began to destroy. At now, there are many gray cities like
western life instead of rustic romance. Consequently, there is no humanistic
community around urbanites. Therefore, on this day, it is necessary to rethink
how our village community was peacefully operated and introduce to foreign
cultures.
At first, In village community people work
for each other. They voluntarily make a group for working and work together. They
don’t feel any competitive spirit since distributing of the harvest will be
conducted by individual plot. Also, they are not lazy since they will possess
their harvest. Moreover, it make members friendly and feel other member as necessary
for one’s life instead of enemy for living or rival for producing. This system
is especially suitable for agricultural life but also be suitable for recent
days, full of competitive lifes.
Secondly, village community allows people
democratic life. Mostly, the number of this community is about 100 including
from babies to grandfathers. Since there aren’t many people in this group,
everyone has chances to say one’s opinion to all member of community. In our cities,
there are so many people that group can’t accept one’s opinion directly. On the
contrary, it is easy to accept new ideas in village community. That’s why Dr.
Seung-Ho Ahn, professor of social science of Chungbuk University, emphasized
using this community efficiently.
Thirdly, power of this community can protect
members. Since all members are necessary for each others, they can be easily
united against outside power. For example, members of Gangjung village,
appointed as Naval Base by Korean government, have been united for 6 years to
against to the government. Since they are united, government cannot even control
them easily. There is another example that happened in Pyeongtaek. Since the
government announced to build American Military Base in Daechu village, members
of the village had been united and protested officially. Although government
made them move in this case, it showed how strong village community is.
On this day, urban life is full of
competitive life and faces crisis of democracy. Also, it faces lack of power to
protect individual. Therefore, I can proudly introduce our village community to
foreign culture. It will be good for us if they accept this custom
Overall, I really enjoyed your essay. It was very enjoying to read a essay on the village community, since it's a custom that is still maintained in some regions.
답글삭제1)There were some few minor grammar mistakes.
ex)Korean->Koreans
2)You had a very interesting introduction. I liked the logical flow of the introduction, so I definietly agree that we need to rethink about our village community
3)I favored the fact that you connected the past korean village to the present. It made strong impression on the reader that Korean village community is essential for recent days.
4)The use of expert's words made the essay trustworty. I made me the reader think that you are well-prepared.
5)However, I think that the third idea is very controversial. Sometimes the strong bonding between the community members could turn out to be positive, but sometimes act as a negative factor. As an example, it can precipitate the situation of NIMBY(Not In My BackYard).
Anyways, you have definitely persuaded me to agree that korean village community is worth adopting by other foreign countries.
(I hope that you're not offended by my comment ^-^)
Oh, I knew that you were going to cover this kinda subject : )
답글삭제I love this essay for showing your enthusiasm which is not quite illogical, having various reasons.
But, I hope you to think this aspect; the rights of women was nearly zero in the rustic villages and as well as nowadays there were so many corruptions and crime-condone in those days, those times. We think rural inhabitants are always good and just, but maybe they are more cunning that urban people. Do not look down on countryside people! I recommend you to watch the movie "이끼"(moss).
First, I think you misprinted the topic. You were supposed to talk about the customs of Korea that you would like to spread to other countries. Customs is an activity, a way of behaving, or an event which is usual or traditional in a particular society or in particular circumstances. In other words things that are passed through down for decades. However, you talked about a phenomenon that is not in Korea anymore. So I think you should change your wordings in the introduction that living in a humanistic way is a true Korean way.
답글삭제Second, there were some minor grammar mistakes. The most significant one was that there was no period after your last sentence. You will find these mistakes when you re-read your paper after you write it.
Third, for the first reason, it would have been better if you mentioned that Koreans have words that represent helping each other like 품앗이 or 상부상조. By mentioning those words, the readers would be persuaded about your point. For the second reason, it would have been nice if you supported more details to your example. I do not know how Dr. Seung-Ho Ahn said about using the community effectively. For the third reason, this time, you should have more explained about your reason. Because you just went on explaining about Gangjung, it came to me a bit awkward.
However, other than these,your essay was good. you had very interesting reasons. The second reason which was about having a democratic life was very unique. Also, the details you gave to the reader were good. They were easy to understand. Especially in the first paragraph, maybe because that was the most strong reason of your essay, you explained well about how the community worked. So overall your essay was clear and direct.