In-Class Writing#1-Revised

Why Should We Escape from Hakwan?

In Korea, most mothers force their children to go to hakwans. So a student's schedule is full of school, hakwans, and finally the house. It makes students not think about their life, society , or the truth of the universe, etc. Students grown to think only about wealth, success and a beautiful spouse. I didn't want to be such a kind of man, so I used to escape from the hakwan.

In winter of 2006, when I was 11 years old, I didn't do any homework that hakwan teacher assigned me last class. Since I was a small-mind man, and the teacher would punish me whenever I didn't do homework, I went to the park near my house rather than the hakwan. Considering it was winter, I wore my coat and bike-gloves. After being ready for my winter adventure, I rode my bike.

At first, I went to the supermarket to buy some emergency-foods. I didn't expect this adventure would last long; however, I needed some food to live in cold weather. After that, I just rode my bike to nowhere. there was no destination. I felt cold winds and freezing snow. Suddenly, I realized that there's a man lying on the side of the park. He seemed dead at first. Fortunately, he was sleeping. Actually, I thought about calling an emergency car. But I'd like to ask "why are you here?". I put my coat on his body.

Reading the last chapter of my comic book, he woke up and said "who are you?". We started to converse. At that conversation, I asked him what happened to him and his home. After he ate my egg, he started to answer. by telling his story. He was a worker of a company He used to be given a salary every month. One day, the company president disappeared and gangs come to his company to demand money. They get all his fortune including his house.

It was startling for me to hear his past story. If I had gone to my hakwan and solved mathematical problems, I would have known what happened to the homeless man. Moreover, it was the day for my great-grandfather. If I had eaten warm foods at grandparent's house, I would never know how he was living in that cold weather.

In most cases real life itself gives us lessons, while a hakwan text book is limited, real life has various aspects of truth of this world. We can live our lives after facing the truth of the world. Therefore, I would like to encourage students to escape from hakwans and face the real world.

TOEFL ESSAY #1

Introduce the Past Korean Village Community

       After Korean War, many Korean left their hometown to go to Seoul. As they left, lots of village community that had longed from our ancestor began to destroy. At now, there are many gray cities like western life instead of rustic romance. Consequently, there is no humanistic community around urbanites. Therefore, on this day, it is necessary to rethink how our village community was peacefully operated and introduce to foreign cultures.

       At first, In village community people work for each other. They voluntarily make a group for working and work together. They don’t feel any competitive spirit since distributing of the harvest will be conducted by individual plot. Also, they are not lazy since they will possess their harvest. Moreover, it make members friendly and feel other member as necessary for one’s life instead of enemy for living or rival for producing. This system is especially suitable for agricultural life but also be suitable for recent days, full of competitive lifes.

       Secondly, village community allows people democratic life. Mostly, the number of this community is about 100 including from babies to grandfathers. Since there aren’t many people in this group, everyone has chances to say one’s opinion to all member of community. In our cities, there are so many people that group can’t accept one’s opinion directly. On the contrary, it is easy to accept new ideas in village community. That’s why Dr. Seung-Ho Ahn, professor of social science of Chungbuk University, emphasized using this community efficiently.

       Thirdly, power of this community can protect members. Since all members are necessary for each others, they can be easily united against outside power. For example, members of Gangjung village, appointed as Naval Base by Korean government, have been united for 6 years to against to the government. Since they are united, government cannot even control them easily. There is another example that happened in Pyeongtaek. Since the government announced to build American Military Base in Daechu village, members of the village had been united and protested officially. Although government made them move in this case, it showed how strong village community is.

       On this day, urban life is full of competitive life and faces crisis of democracy. Also, it faces lack of power to protect individual. Therefore, I can proudly introduce our village community to foreign culture. It will be good for us if they accept this custom